PRINCE HARRY WAS ONLY 12 WHEN HE LOST PRINCESS DIANA — BUT THE MOST PAINFUL PART OF HIS GRIEF FOLLOWED HIM LONG AFTER HER DEATH. For years, the Duke of Sussex struggled with an emotion few people would expect from a son mourning his mother. In a deeply personal admission, Harry revealed that finding happiness without Diana sometimes brought an overwhelming sense of guilt, as though moving forward meant leaving her behind. But it wasn’t just the sadness that haunted him. There was another deeply personal struggle involving his memories of Diana that made his journey through grief even more difficult. And the realization that eventually helped him see things differently offers a touching glimpse into the bond he still shares with his mother. READ HARRY’S EMOTIONAL REVELATION BELOW 👇👇👇

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Diana, Princess Of Wales Sam Jacobs, Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, Jessica Sibley and Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex attend the 2025 TIME100 Summit

Prince Harry felt “disloyal and guilty” about experiencing happiness after the death of his mother, Princess Diana.

The Duke of Sussex, 42, appeared on a new MasterClass exploring grief, including the feelings he harbored for years after Diana died when he was just 12.

Prince Harry said that he had a “numbness, emotional shutdown” for years following his mother’s tragic death in 1997 after a car crash in Paris, which allowed him to enter an “adrenalized state” as he focused on the “task at hand.” He even called the ability a “superpower” that helped him excel in the military.

However, he admitted that it was the “perfect distraction” from actually experiencing his grief.

“Once I realized where the superpower was coming from and the connection to it, my fear was if I heal from it, if I go looking for the fix, then do I lose it? Do I lose the superpower? Does that mean I lose the connection to my mom?” he explained on MasterClass.

“I’d spent so long emotionally numb, to a large extent, because I felt disloyal and guilty for the possibility of being happy and joyful without her,” Prince Harry continued. “I felt like I had to be sad, and I had to be emotionally numb in order to prove to her that I missed her.”

Prince Harry added that realizing that his mother would want him to be happy was a “huge mental shift.”

“It freed me, and it gave me a whole different outlook on life,” he said. “The key to it all is knowing yourself and knowing how your nervous system and your whole body reacts to certain situations. So for me now, I can recognize when I get an adrenaline surge, and I also know what doesn’t require adrenaline.”

Prince Harry said that one thing that helps him come down from an elevated state is breathing exercises.

“It’s still a work in progress for me, certainly because a lot of the time sort of shallow breathing, tightness, chest, all of these things still play havoc with me,” Harry said. “And I think that, again, my nervous system is easily triggered from being 15, 16, 20 years in such a hypervigilant and reactive state. But if I can find the time and the place to be able to take a moment just to breathe and reconnect, that is, for me, is a game changer.”

Prince Harry wearing the uniform of the Parachute Regiment of the British Army in the garden of Highgrove House in Gloucestershire, 18th July 1986. He is accompanied by his mother, Diana, Princess of Wales
Prince Harry and Princess Diana in 1986.Tim Graham Photo Library via Getty

On MasterClass, Prince Harry also discussed when he cried after his mother’s death.

“Finally, the actual burial came and surrounded by just family, away from crying eyes, away from the cameras and the, I guess the expectation and perhaps judgments and the glaring eyes of the world, I cracked to the point of where I cried,” he said. “And I remember thinking or feeling that it actually felt really good to cry.”

“And then years later, I was looking for proof because of the burial; I didn’t wanna believe it. I didn’t believe that she was gone. I believed that she was gonna come back at some point. I believe that she had created this exit to get away from all the things that were destroying her life and that she was gonna reenter the fray in some disguise and then whisk me and my brother away.”

“That protective belief lasted for a decade,” the Duke of Sussex continued. “The defense mechanism for the mind and the body was shut down the emotions and shut down the memories. Not just the bad memories, the good memories as well. I forgot what my mom sounded like. I forgot her laugh. I couldn’t really visualize what she looked like without looking at a photograph of her.”

Prince Harry said that he gets joy from his philanthropy work as well as his family — his wife, Meghan Markle, and their two children, 7-year-old son Prince Archie and 5-year-old daughter Princess Lilibet — but even that requires balance.

“The biggest factor for me is the energy and the joy and happiness that I get being with my family, especially our kids, and the joy and happiness I get by being on the ground for my work,” he explained. “And the key to finding the joy and happiness balance is no more than 10 days away from my wife and kids. This is balancing my work and the purpose behind that as well as being a dad and a husband and the sort of multi-identity elements coming together.”

PEOPLE has learned that MasterClass approached Harry last year about developing a class focused on grief, and he filmed the program in California early this summer. The episode is being released just ahead of World Mental Health Day on Oct. 10 and benefits two bereavement charities, Comfort Zone Camp and Scotty’s Little Soldiers, a longtime cause of Harry’s.